var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "'They misunderestimated me!' -George W. Bush";
msg[2] = "I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight";
msg[3] = "Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them";
msg[4] = "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder";
msg[5] = "I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... ";
msg[6] = "OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO";
msg[7] = "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by.";
msg[8] = "When rats leave a sinking ship, where exactly do they think they're going?";
msg[9] = "I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.";
msg[10] = "Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.";
msg[11] = "This morning I took two laxatives in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.";
msg[12] = "What if this weren't a hypothetical question?";
msg[13] = "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.";
msg[14] = "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.";
msg[15] = "I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex...worst 15 minutes of my life.";
msg[16] = "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.";
msg[17] = "I am nobody... nobody is perfect... I must be perfect then...";
msg[18] = "The best thing about Alzheimer’s is : You can hide your own Easter eggs.";
msg[19] = "It's not attention deficit disorder, I'm not just not listening to you.";
msg[20] = "I love humanity. It's people I can't stand.";
msg[21] = "Anybody here who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand.";
msg[22] = "I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.";
msg[23] = "At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.";  
msg[24] = "At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.";
msg[25] = "At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.";
msg[26] = "Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.";
msg[27] = "Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?";
msg[28] = "In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.";
msg[29] = "In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.";
msg[30] = "Sign in a restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.";
msg[31] = "Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}