var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.";
msg[2] = "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.";
msg[3] = "If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.";
msg[4] = "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'";
msg[5] = "The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.";
msg[6] = "Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.";
msg[7] = "Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.";
msg[8] = "Never make the same mistake twice or you'll never get around to all of them.";
msg[9] = "Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.";
msg[10] = "Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.";
msg[11] = "If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.";
msg[12] = "A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.";
msg[13] = "Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.";
msg[14] = "How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark  to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?";
msg[15] = "Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. ";
msg[16] = "Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?";
msg[17] = "No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.";
msg[18] = "There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity. ";
msg[19] = "There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 A.M. It could be a right number.";
msg[20] = "Think about this..... No one ever says 'It's only a game' when his team is winning.";
msg[21] = "Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.";
msg[22] = "Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.";
msg[23] = "A backyard barbecue draws two things....flies and relatives.";  
msg[24] = "The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.";
msg[25] = "If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.";
msg[26] = "Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.";
msg[27] = "I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap....";
msg[28] = "'Suicide Hotline. Please hold!'";
msg[29] = "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.";
msg[30] = "Dying is just natures way of saying 'Hey! Your not alive anymore!'";
msg[31] = "Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle.";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}