var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "God gave women a sense of humour - so they could understand the jokes they married.";
msg[2] = "It is more important to get in the first thought than the last word.";
msg[3] = "Before criticising your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married.";
msg[4] = "Stack every bit of criticism between two layers of praise.";
msg[5] = "Success in marriage is more than finding the right person.  It's also a matter of being the right person.";
msg[6] = "The world needs more warm hearts and fewer hot heads.";
msg[7] = "A masochist who likes nothing better than a cold bath every morning has a warm bath every morning.";
msg[8] = "Advice from a Scotsman on how to go skiing on only ten pounds: tie a five pound note to each foot.";
msg[9] = "The Noise Abatement Society and the Kennel Club have joined forces to produce Hush Puppies.";
msg[10] = "We had to cancel our interview with the world's oldest man due to the unexpected illness of his father ...";
msg[11] = "The minister for defence was asked what he was going to do about tightening up defence.  He replied, 'De fence? De man wid de nails am comin to fix it.'";
msg[12] = "It's reported that two eminent doctors who examined the ears of one of our leading politicians are concerned about what they saw. They saw each other.";
msg[13] = "Can cross-eyed teachers control their pupils?";
msg[14] = "Once I went five days without food and drink. Then the waiter finally arrived.";
msg[15] = "My ambition is to be filthy rich. Well at least I'm halfway there.";
msg[16] = "Promiscuous?  She's seen more ceilings than Michelangelo.";
msg[17] = "Rich suburb?  Our Neighbourhood Watch is a Rolex!";
msg[18] = "I was very different from the other boys in kindergarten. For one thing, I was 13!";
msg[19] = "Our marriage is based on trust and understanding. She doesn't trust me and I don't understand her.";
msg[20] = "Our son has just become a police reporter. Twice a week he has to report to them.";
msg[21] = "I'm not an avid reader. Generally it goes in one eye and out the other.";
msg[22] = "Did you realise that one in four people make up 25% of the population?";
msg[23] = "Lady Godiva was the first woman in history to put everything she had on a horse.";  
msg[24] = "You know the marriage is in trouble when she lines the bottom of the cocky's cage with your wedding photos.";
msg[25] = "They married for better or for worse. He could have done better and she couldn't have done worse.";
msg[26] = "I've just joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink, but under an assumed name.";
msg[27] = "He's so anal. he eats his alphabet soup in alphabetical order.";
msg[28] = "He made a major contribution to medicine. He decided not to study it.";
msg[29] = "He drinks to forget. He drinks to forget he's an alcoholic.";
msg[30] = "He only decided to give up drinking when he saw the writing on the floor.";
msg[31] = "I'll bet you $100 I can stop gambling anytime I want.";

function writeTip18() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}