var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop peddling.";
msg[2] = "I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed.";
msg[3] = "Never ask old people how they are if you anything else to do that day.";
msg[4] = "My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.";
msg[5] = "One of the side benefits of forgetting names and faces: You keep meeting new people every day!";
msg[6] = "Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.<BR>If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.<BR>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.<BR>If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.<BR?If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.<BR>If you have an Oedipus complex, have your mother help you press two.<BR>If you have attention deficit disorder, we can't help you because you have probably already hung up by now.";
msg[7] = "What goes around, comes around ... and will whack you on the back of the head when it does.";
msg[8] = "I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.";
msg[9] = "Young at heart - slightly older in other places.";
msg[10] = "For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.";
msg[11] = "Middle age is when you want to see how long your car will last ... instead of how fast it will go.";
msg[12] = "Anything can happen to me tomorrow, but at least nothing more can happen to me yesterday.";
msg[13] = "'What does a man gain from all his labour at which he toils under the sun?' (Eccles. 1:3) WRINKLES!";
msg[14] = "Church Bulletin: 'Don't let worry kill you - let the church help!'";
msg[15] = "He who laughs last thinks slowest!";
msg[16] = "Fill your life with experiences, not excuses.";
msg[17] = "Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even though you wish they were!";
msg[18] = "When catching a falling star, make sure it fits in your pocket.";
msg[19] = "Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional";
msg[20] = "I've reached that point in life where the only thing I can exercise is CAUTION!";
msg[21] = "Remember, you may be OLDER today than you have ever been before, but you are YOUNGER than you will ever be again!";
msg[22] = "If there is a fountain of youth, it is almost certainly caffeinated.";
msg[23] = "No one is lonely while eating spaghetti. It requires too much attention!";  
msg[24] = "A woman has reached middle age when the only pinches she gets are from her girdle!";
msg[25] = "Diet Rule No. 1: Never weigh more than your refrigerator.";
msg[26] = "No wonder I feel so tired - I'm older now than I've ever been before!";
msg[27] = "Once you pass forty, your 'big break' will probably be a bone.";
msg[28] = "You know you're getting older when 'Happy Hour' is a nap!";
msg[29] = "I've figured out why people get gray hair.  It's from worrying about their teeth falling out!";
msg[30] = "I'm getting so old that all my friends in heaven will think I didn't make it.";
msg[31] = "Due to the shortage of trained trumpeters, the end of the world will be postponed three months!";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}