var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "Did you hear about the mailman who had a strange sense of humour? Every time a husband sent his wife a postcard saying: HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME. WISH YOU WERE HERE, he'd erase the last 'E'.";
msg[2] = "Do you realise if postage gets any higher, it's gonna be cheaper to go yourself?";
msg[3] = "If at first you don't succeed - welcome to the club!";
msg[4] = "There's never been a Mormon in the White House. I mean, how would it sound - the President saying: 'Mr Ambassador, I'd like to introduce you to the First Lady, and the Second Lady, and the Third Lady, and the ...'";
msg[5] = "Planned Obsolescence isn't really all that new. God used it with people.";
msg[6] = "I remember when I used to laugh at life. Now I gotta rest up a week just to giggle a little.";
msg[7] = "Live every day as if it were your last - and it soon will be!";
msg[8] = "When you're invited to an evening of wine, women, and song - it sometimes pays to find out the vintage of the first two.";
msg[9] = "Sometimes I get the feeling the winds of change have turned into a hurricane.";
msg[10] = "Experience is the stuff that when you finally get enough of, you're too old to qualify for the job.";
msg[11] = "It's kind of a shame that just when you learn to make the best of life - the best is mostly gone.";
msg[12] = "You know what's wrong with the world today? Movies have signs saying: ADULTS ONLY - when it's maternity hospitals that need them!";
msg[13] = "According to the experts, when it comes to sex, too many kids start experimenting with their fingers crossed - which is the wrong part.";
msg[14] = "Even a stopped watch is correct twice a day.";
msg[15] = "Ever have 'one of those days'?  Well, get ready for 'one of those years.'";
msg[16] = "He who lies down with dogs arises with fleas (if he's lucky).";
msg[17] = "9 ist just a 6 with more self-confidence.";
msg[18] = "Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.";
msg[19] = "Wealth is headed in your direction, so watch out for runaway armoured cars.";
msg[20] = "Don't look back; something may be gaining on you.";
msg[21] = "Only the dead fish swim with the stream.";
msg[22] = "Before you invest - investigate.";
msg[23] = "If you got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.";  
msg[24] = "Ignorance is strength (1984)";
msg[25] = "War is Peace (1984)";
msg[26] = "Freedom is Slavery (1984)";
msg[27] = "Big Brother is Watching You (1984)";
msg[28] = "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. (Animal Farm)";
msg[29] = "People are sticking to Kleenex";
msg[30] = "I'm only here for the beer.";
msg[31] = "Men are like parking spaces.  All the good ones are already taken - and the rest are handicapped or their meters are running out!";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}