var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "The problems of the world have become so complex even teenagers don't have the answers.";
msg[2] = "I don't want to seem critical of our foreign policy, but sometimes I wonder if we don't have a leak in our think tank!";
msg[3] = "The world has so many problems, if Moses had come down freom Mt. Sinai today - the two tablets he carried would be aspirin!";
msg[4] = "There's only one hope for this world - that do-it-yourself might extend to include thinking.";
msg[5] = "Did you ever get the feeling that in today's world, Attila would be considered a Dove?";
msg[6] = "Dull? She'd have to go topless just to be a wallflower!";
msg[7] = "I once had a girlfriend who was an after-dinner speaker. Every time she opened her mouth, she was after dinner.";
msg[8] = "Isn't that a wild name for a beauty parlor? Curl Up and Dye?";
msg[9] = "Last night I had a terrible argument with my wife and words passed between us. I hit her with a book!";
msg[10] = "I don't know what's wrong with me. Every morning I wake up with this nagging headache - my wife!";
msg[11] = "My wife's been using one of those shampoos with a beer base, and it's fascinating. She doesn't put her hair up in curlers - in pretzels!";
msg[12] = "My wife has come up with a wonderful device to keep food costs down. It's her cooking!";
msg[13] = "I don't want to say anything about my wife's cooking, but when she says: 'Guess who's coming to dinner?' - it's an ambulance.";
msg[14] = "I asked Sydney Water: 'Is our water pure?' They said: 'As pure as the girl of your dreams!' So I switched to beer!";
msg[15] = "I know a sixty-year old fellow who's very unimpressed with these topless dancers. He says: 'Not only does my wife have everything these youngs kids have - but it's at counter level!'";
msg[16] = "If topless gets any more popular, they're gonna be selling bras with instructions!";
msg[17] = "I won't say what my wife does all day, but you can fry eggs on our television set!";
msg[18] = "TV commercials are those brief moments when you pay attention to your wife and family.";
msg[19] = "Confucius said: 'Man who has air-conditioner repossessed - lose his cool!'";
msg[20] = "My stocks are doing so badly, I even worry on weekends!";
msg[21] = "I've got a wonderful stockbroker. I call him Mark. That's short for Marquis de Sade.";
msg[22] = "I know just how President Bush feels about Iraq. I tried to get out of a book club once!";
msg[23] = "I just figured out a way to really stop people from smoking. Don't tell them it's unhealthy. Tell them it's fattening!";  
msg[24] = "Retirement is when you spend the afternoon deciding which television shows to watch in the evening, so you'll have something to think about in the morning.";
msg[25] = "I don't see why religion and science can't get along with each other. What's wrong with counting your blessings with a computer?";
msg[26] = "My wife is a China Watcher. After every meal, I wash the china and she watches.";
msg[27] = "Look on the bright side of things. If our money does keep losing its value, think how good it will make you feel when you send your ex-wife her alimony cheque!";
msg[28] = "I tell you, this world is getting too complicated. Someone just gave me a battery-operated paperweight!";
msg[29] = "I think there's something wrong with my electric toothbrush. It stays still and my arm spins around.";
msg[30] = "My cheques don't exactly bounce. They twitch a little.";
msg[31] = "I'll say one thing for being poor. It's inexpensive.";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}