var msg = new Array();
Stamp = new Date();
today = Stamp.getDate();
msg[1] = "Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?";
msg[2] = "Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?<BR>A: They're married.";
msg[3] = "One man's folly is often another man's wife.";
msg[4] = "When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.";
msg[5] = "I told my wife the truth. I told her that I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender.";
msg[6] = "Q: What do you call a man with 99 per cent of his brain missing?<BR>A: Castrated.";
msg[7] = "I voted Republican this year; the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth.  Monica Lewinsky";
msg[8] = "Monica Lewinsky went into a dry cleaners where a hard-of-hearing clerk had his back to her. 'I need to have this dress dry-cleaned.' 'Come again?' 'No, mustard.'";
msg[9] = "Political correctness:  'You old scrubber' as now 'You ex-cleaning woman, you.'";
msg[10] = "Sexual harassment at work - is it a problem for the self-employed?";
msg[11] = "I'm at that age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. George Burns.";
msg[12] = "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.  Oscar Wilde";
msg[13] = "Pornography is in the groin of the beholder.";
msg[14] = "During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a motel...";
msg[15] = "And we were poor too. Why, if I hadn't been born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.";
msg[16] = "Sex is like anything else; if you want it done right you have to do it yourself.";
msg[17] = "Woman: You are the greatest lover I have ever known.<BR>Woody Allen: Well, I practise a lot on my own.";
msg[18] = "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.";
msg[19] = "The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.  Woody Allen";
msg[20] = "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.";
msg[21] = "For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterwards.";
msg[22] = "This is the best day the world has ever seen. Tomorrow will be better.";
msg[23] = "He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.";  
msg[24] = "It is not necessary to understand music; it is only necessary that one enjoy it.";
msg[25] = "It is perhaps a more fortunate destiny to have a taste for collecting shells than to be born a millionaire.";
msg[26] = "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.";
msg[27] = "Teach us delight in simple things.";
msg[28] = "I saw a movie one a plane that was so good, nobody even noticed the crash!";
msg[29] = "I can remember when 'Smoke Gets in Your Eyes' was a song instead of a weather report!";
msg[30] = "I didn't realise how bad the smog was until they started making highway signs in braille!";
msg[31] = "It's wonderful to be a bachelor. To eat home-cooked meals but have your choice of cooks.";

function writeTip9() { 
document.write(msg[today]);
}